you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
