my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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