too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
