I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
