So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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