The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
