I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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