Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize