I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
