Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
