I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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