We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
