I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
