I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
