I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
