The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He felt like a one man threesome
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
