why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
