Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Randomize
