ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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