Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
