Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
