Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
