I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
