Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i think i have two assholes
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
