Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize