How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
