My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
