You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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