I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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