Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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