I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
