Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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