Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Randomize
