Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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