Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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