are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
