Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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