NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
