OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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