You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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