Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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