So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
