He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
