Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
