i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
im on a boat
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