I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
