bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
