my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
