butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
