please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
