she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
