Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
