i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
