Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
