yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
