Already got asked if we're dating
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
