hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
