It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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