go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you mean i was at the winter classic?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Hippo gnu deer
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
