That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
