hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
