Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize