This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
