I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
