I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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