Nicole vs. Life
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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