Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
