im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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