Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
