And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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