That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
