i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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