He disabled his match.com account in front of me
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
