You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
