I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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