I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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