I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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