Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Drunk is not a location!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
