My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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