every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
my being single is dangerous.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
