well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
