I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
