i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
