Only a mothe r could love this liver
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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