I just made out with a guy for $7.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
