I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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