how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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