i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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