Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
