Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
