Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize