Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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